ayah enna

A fresh grad who finds herself waking up after lunch (GMT+8, mind you). She is into videogames, anime & manga , certain book genres, a bit of music, and dogs. An introvert, she is generally slow in warming up unless she sees that a person has at least a common interest. She knows too little of HTML so she had to download this pre-made layout.


(It's really more of me being invisible, on SMS or using meebo)

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septiembre 09, 2005

  Since it's my birthday today, I thought that this blog's layout needs to be changed as you can see. So there, this is my new layout. Too bad I didn't make it, unlike Bom. Actually, I could have changed my layout last week but I had some problems with the coding. Then, there was course card distribution *points to post below* and I was too down to bother fixing this. I still feel that there's something wrong with the layout. BTW, the person featured in here is no other than Gackt.

Somehow, the mood of this layout kind of reflects what I've been feeling for the past months. From the pale one I used for version 8 with its light blue and white, this one is dark (again!) with a bit of red for contrast. I knew beforehand that my grades are going to be low, but I didn't expect to fail. I think last term is my worst in overall academic performance. My highest are three 1.5's! Of course my mom was mad at me for having a failing grade. She told me that I lack focus on my studies, which is true. I'm at the point where not only was I not interested in studying, I also had nothing to counter it. What I meant was that there are those who may not be interested in studying yet they force themselves to because of pressure from their families. I'm not saying that my family wasn't reinforcing me to do well in school; I guess my stubborness is greater. As to why I'm feeling that way, well... I am frustrated with the schoolwork I'm getting. I've tried to do my best for years yet I still get a low grade in some that I've put a lot of effort into? Sure life is unfair but it is still unacceptable for me. I am also overwhelmed with the schoolwork. I thought I can handle the trisemestral system; heck, I survived 7 regular terms (and a summer term to lessen the workload). It's high time for me to straighten my priorities, studying habits and time management. This is all I've figured out so far.

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Wow, I can't believe I'm 20. T-w-e-n-t-y. Technically, I'm not until by 11 p.m. GMT+08 because according to my parents, I was born between 10:30 and 11 in the evening. The idea hasn't sticked yet because I'm still the lazy ol' me who wants to get away from responsibility. Transformations don't happen overnight although my notion of a 20-year old is, aside from the occassional slacker, is more mature than what I currently am. I could be exaggerating a bit about myself at this point since I still have the guilt and may be criticizing myself too harshly. In fact, I wasn't too excited to celebrate it up to now. I barely have anything planned!

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Shuro is in Japan right now and won't be back for a year. I wasn't able to say goodbye to her though. Even if we're not close, I'm sure I'll miss her. I'm happy for her since she wanted to go there, even if it's not the first time she's been there. The difference is that aside from the length of stay, her purpose of stay is that of an exchange student. I also want to visit Japan, however it would most probably be as a tourist. But first, there's the cost of going there, back here and staying there. Tokyo and (I'm not sure about the next), another Japanese city were ranked among, if not in the top 3, the top 5 cities in the whole world with the highest cost of living. If I'm not mistaken, Tokyo is at the top position.I don't know if we have what it takes for allowing me to stay there for a year even if I go there to work (as an entertainer? I don't think so). Plus there's the language barrier. Not only will I need to learn the language, I'll need to be able to read and write their 3 writing systems (hiragana, katakana and kanji). Maybe I might barely survive there without learning kanji but who knows?

As to why I'd want to visit Japan, I am fascinated with it: the landscape, the culture, etc. In fact, I want to travel to other countries for almost the same reasons. Being a fan to several anime, manga and Japanese-produced game titles adds to my eagerness of being able to go there, although I've read that these 3 things aren't as widespread to what an outsider thinks unless you're in a particular part of Tokyo. An hour stop-over there during a flight to/from the U.S. is definitely not enough!

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Looks like this is all I could type right now. Classes are back on Monday and I'm trying to savor these few days. It's funny that I'm at my 9th layout change on the 9th day of the 9th month of the year. It's also past 9 a.m. too ^_^ Shortly, it will be this blog's 2nd year in existence. Yay!

Oh, and for those who are still curious to what I look like in person, I'm won't put my grad pic w/o the censor bar right now. However, I can be seen in one of Bom's recent posts. No, not Ayame ^^'


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